Tales of a Madman 3
Have you ever walked through the streets of Mort and actually looked at the people around you? Look at them and you'll be shocked by what you see. Most of them look as though they are desperate to get through life without drawing any attention to themselves. I can't understand the depression that seems to rule their lives. If it was fear of something, that would be understandable but it's not. It is just apathy and depression!
The vid is constantly screaming at us to praise the people who are outrageous, the people who stand out from the crowd and we do. We turn them into idols and heroes but we can't seem to do what they do. It is somehow impossible for the average Joe off the street to make something out of himself. Instead of trying to improve ourselves we watch others who have made it good and hope for them to fail. Sure, we worship these people on the vids but we are all secretly hoping that they will fail, that they will prove themselves to be no better than the rest of us.
It's strange the way we all both love and hate success. Our society is geared around people who have made money and made a good life for themselves but we all wait with baited breath for the time when the mighty fall. It is great to watch the vids and see the famous operative wiping out carrien by the dozen but isn't it so much better when the op is dragged down by the monsters? It proves that this hero is no better than the rest of us and makes us all feel so good. It is so petty and small-minded but it is true. We hate anyone that has made anything of themselves.
When I first started out as an operative I was going to change the world. I was going to bring law to Downtown, I was going to wipe out the scourge of Thresher and Dark Night from our homes. It didn't take me long to realise that I was never going to make the slightest bit of difference to anything that happened. I was just a very small wheel in a very large machine. No matter what I did it would never be enough, so why bother to do anything? The easy answer to that one was "for the money!" I was getting paid to maintain Law and Order so that is what I did. It was easier for me to go along with a system that I had no faith in than to try and do anything new.
Apathy is the disease that is going to bring mankind to it's knees. We all believe that we can't change anything but it is simply not true. Look around you again. All those faceless people that are shuffling past you look like so many robot drudges. Inside every one of them is a mind that works the same way that yours does. They have the same thoughts, feelings and emotions that you do and every one of them believes that there is nothing they can do to make any changes. They are so wrong but it suits Slayer's grand design for us to believe that we are helpless, so he is happy for us to go through our miserable lives secure in our own uselessness.
If we put our minds to it it would be so easy to make the changes that we all want. Better schools, more jobs, more say in how things are done, whatever we want. What is Slayer going to do? Send in the Shivers to kill everyone. No, it is not going to happen. If we all got together Slayer would have to give in to our desires, he would have to bow to our demands!
What is the point in saying these things? We have all been conditioned into being more distrustful of the people around us than anything else. We are never going to be able to form any sizeable group before our own petty desires and jealousies screw everything up. I'm just letting my mind wander over dreams that are beyond my grasp. The times that I've lain in my cell and dreamed of what i could do if I was free again, but that's all they are, dreams. The people of Mort are never going to get out from under Slayer's thumb. Mostly because they don't want to. It's a form of security, never having to think for yourself, never having to make any decisions. If you don't make the decisions you can't be blamed for it if things go wrong. We are all secure in the knowledge that no matter what happens it isn't our fault.
I think that it could just be too late for the human race now. Even if we were somehow given our freedom back we have been slaves for too long and we have lost the ability to think for ourselves. We are told when to get up, what to do all day and when to go to bed. Our waking time is filled with the continuous blur of one vid show after another and sometimes, for a special treat, we are allowed to get out of our heads on drink or drugs. Great, we can go from one make believe world to another one and have no control in either. What is the point of existing in this sort of state? It's not as though we enjoy the life that we have or have anything to look forward to. But we still all struggle onwards, desperate to grab anything we can. It's not that we want what we get, it's just that we don't want anybody else to have it.
Why do you think there is so much crime in Mort. It's because we can't stand the thought of someone having something that we don't. It doesn't matter what it is; money, a car, a dose of Alice, a girlfriend, happiness, a life, anything. The psychos don't have any sort of normal life so they try to take life away from others. The thief will never want to or be able to use half the things that she steals but she takes them none the less. We are all scared that there is something we are missing out on and that is just not on. We have to get a fair share of everything and no-one, but no-one is going to stop us from getting what we are entitled to. Pathetic, isn't it?
Slayer gives us nothing worthwhile, but we are so keen to keep it that we will kill anyone that tries to take it away from us. What is the sense in that?
I guess that I got a bit carried away for a while there. My shrinks are not going to be happy about that little outburst but screw them! They don't realise that Slayer has as much control over their lives as he does over everyone else's. These people seem to think that they are superior to me just because they are on the other side of the bars. They think that I am the madman, the prisoner and that they are the warders but it's all a matter of perspective. I know that I have just come back to my sense but, according to them, I am now a dangerous psychopath. Listen to what I have been saying into this damn camera and tell me who the crazy ones are.
That's another thing that my white-coats are going to be pissed off about. They will say that it's a clear cut case of denial.
"A madman always says that he is sane and the rest if the word is mad," they tell me.
Bullshit, the whole of Mort is one big lunatic asylum and the warders are the craziest of the lot. They actually think that they can cure the crazies but it is the way of life that they should be trying to cure. Mort breeds insanity the way the sewers breed rats. The only way to get rid of the rats is to clean up the sewers and is that likely to happen? No, I don't think so either.
The next time the vid shows you an image of Halloween Jack or Bloody Valentine or any of the famous killers try to think about what is going through their heads. Don't just dismiss them as madmen, try to realise that they are real people with real emotions and real feelings. Can you imagine what sort of pressure these people must have been under to flip out the way that they did? The mind is a pretty tough thing so it must take something major to cause it to snap the way it has done in these poor creatures. Yes, poor creatures! They are the victims just as much as the people they kill are. They are the direct result of the society that we live in and this society is going to form more and more of them until there are no normal people left.
What will Slayer do then, when he is ruling over a kingdom of madmen? Maybe that's what he wants? A race of people who will kill anyone and anything. Let them loose on a planet and then sit back and wait, sooner or later they will destroy the planet. No, he's got the Stormers for that, so what does he want with the crazies. Maybe it's nothing more complex than for simple amusement. Does Slayer get his kicks from watching us destroy each other? Whatever the reason, unless we change the way things are going we are going to wipe ourselves out. And the shrinks say that I am the crazy one.
Why do I even bother to say these things, no-one is going to watch me apart from the doctors who are studying me so that they can improve their CVs. A very cynical attitude but it is true. There is absolutely no way that anything I've been saying is ever going to be released to the public but I think that I've got to say it anyway.
When the shrinks first said that i had to speak into this camera I thought that it was a complete waste of time, but now I'm not too sure. I heard someone once say that they belonged to a cult where they were encouraged to confess their sins so that they could be forgiven. I don't know who or what was meant to be doing the forgiving but it seemed like a good idea to me. The difference between me and the guy that I was talking to is that I am not confessing my own sins but the sins of a whole planet. Or maybe it's just Slayer's sins, who knows?
Will you be able to forgive these confessions? I don't think that I could if I was in your position. Will you even understand what I am talking about, what I am trying to confess? If not then there is really no hope for Mort, Slayer has finally got what he wants. A race of mindless workers that he can program to do whatever he wants. Not completely mindless of course. He will still need that little bit of free will that will allow us to worship him. He is far too smart to allow that source of nourishment to fade and die.
There are times when I think it would be best if I had never realised what is going on around me. Just a few months ago everything was so simple and easy. I was given a BPN, I did what I had to do and then I was paid. I went down to The Pit virtually every night, got drunk, slept around and enjoyed my life. What happened to change all this? Why did I suddenly develop a conscience? I really wish that I knew. Maybe I just grew up.
Whatever the reason, I hope and pray that it happens to a few more people. Maybe, if more and more people stand up and say that things are going wrong, we could change things. Maybe we can force Slayer to let us alone, to let us live our own lives. Maybe we can stop the violence that is all around us. Maybe pigs will fly!
This is the only life that we are ever likely to have. For your own piece of mind I suggest that you don't look around too much. You'll be much happier if you walk around staring at your shoes, just like everyone around you. Don't make waves and don't get yourself noticed, that's the motto for you.
If you want to know what happens to people that make waves, just look at me. You just go on with your boring life and forget about making changes because it is never going to happen!